She

She’s got that look of a sophisticated woman.

She handles herself very well.

She speaks with such smoothness one can only find in silk.

She laughs.

She pleases.

She deals with a lot of people and always makes sure she gets what she wants.

Everyone thinks she’s perfect.

-she makes sure everyone will think that way.

But then, she never knew me. –she didn’t expect she’d fail with me.

She smiles. But her eyes were shallow.

It might have that glow before. –but I wasn’t fortunate to see it now.

Her smooth talks caught me for quite some time.

But at some point, she sang out of tune.

She failed to hit the notes. She missed connecting the dots.

And I just can’t help myself.

A looked deeper… through her eyes. –she didn’t know I saw her.

She talked. – I didn’t just listen, I absorbed every word.

She didn’t know I have ears. –and that I take words as breakfast.

She tried to make me believe everything she said.

But I’ve seen enough. Heard enough. Felt enough.

She failed.

And she didn’t like the feeling that someone like me saw right through her.

I asked her if we can grab a coffee somewhere.

I wanted to tell her what I saw. -I wanted to tell her that it's okay.
that if she'd just let herself free, there's a greater chance of
her getting better. -and that she need not to hide.

But she declined my invitation.

-she was afraid of what I’ll say.

She was afraid that someone finally knew her nakedness.

Her weak spot.

She was afraid that someone finally saw what she’s been trying to hide for so long.

-she worked so hard to hide it. Because she doesn’t want people to see.

All her stories were filled of her name.

How she's doing lots of things “to help” others.

How she looks for every opportunity to extend her “generous hands”.

How her heart pours out to those who are helpless.

She is working hard. – So people would applaud her. Admire her. Envy her.

Because that’s the only thing she could do to feel that she’s still beautiful. Powerful. In control.

She failed.

She makes sure her hair is always smooth. -No one touches them but her.

She put on those pretty dresses. -Everyone notices. But what she’s really yearning for is someone who would love to take them off at night. In bed. And dream of her until the morning breaks.

She got those polished pointed shoes. -Her feet inside were dry.

She works all day. -She didn’t know her son missed his lunch.

She works all night. -Because her husband doesn’t touch her anymore. His hands still has that other girl’s perfume. She hates him. But she couldn’t leave. She can’t remember how orgasm feels like.

She couldn’t leave him because of their children. – Children who doesn’t see her as a mother anymore.

She couldn’t leave him because she doesn’t want people to see she failed achieving her fairy tale.

She couldn’t leave the man she hates and who doesn’t love her anymore. –because she cares for the name, more than anything.

She wouldn’t let go of her pride.

She’d rather suffer living her miserable life because she can’t afford to fail.

She keeps on wanting to achieve things. –she knows they can’t help her get her husband back. But at least, achievements can cover the wounds.

But she can’t get her mind off her failures. –so she kept on failing. One step after another. Failing.

She doesn’t want to accept defeat.

Her ego is what keeps her alive.

She will keep controlling people around her. –that’s her only way to feel strong.

She’ll keep on fighting until the very end. –pretending her heart is pure. Hiding her wounds.

The day ends. She goes home. She ate out and brought pizza for her kids for dinner. She doesn’t cook because she’s afraid it would taste as bitter as her wounds.

The man of the house came home. Asked the kids how their day was.

She wanted to tell him how hers went. –but he went straight upstairs. He didn’t even look at her.

She asked him if he had dinner. He plainly said “I’m done.”

She heard him make a phone call. He spoke in a very low voice.

She heard him say “see you tomorrow.” –at least he has something to look forward to.

She combed her hair. Looking at her shallow eyes in the mirror.

She remember how they’d glow. –it was a long time ago.

It’s night time. She makes a late night call. “Do this… Blah-blah.”

She lay in bed at night. Beside her was a man she called husband once. She stays awake.

With fear of having her reality as a dream. Her heart wants to burst. She lays beside the man she hates.

She didn’t know what’s next. –she said yes to everything because she didn’t understand anything at all.

She was blinded by her ego to stay alive.-and on top of things.

She doesn’t have anyone to talk to. –because she can’t let anyone know she failed.

It’s 3 A.M.

She’s tired. Her eyes started to close.

Beside her lay a man who doesn’t love her. Doesn’t want her anymore.

He whispered a name. –it wasn’t hers.

She slept. She needs strength to survive her show tomorrow.