Monday, April 13, 2015

LEADERSHIP: Must-have Qualities of a Leader and Aspiring Leaders (Plus Notes to Company Owners in choosing people to Lead)


There’s this line from the movie Spiderman that I love the most: “Great power comes with great responsibilities.”

I find this very, very true.

I grew up volunteering myself as a leader whenever given a chance. Until I came to a point where, I got tired of all the b.s. and run away.

I came to a point of admitting that I do not have the right qualities of a great leader. –yet.



So, I decided to pack my things and move my feet with the hope of finding myself a sensei who will teach me how. –Lucky me. I found one.

What I learned from this person is both a surprise and not. Actually, I realized that I took leadership the wrong way that I ended up lost in the wrong thought of the whole leadership thing.
So, with this note, I would like to share what I’ve learned from the greatest leader I now know.

What is Leadership?



We often get “Leadership is the art and science of leading a group of people, directing, controlling and giving commands to achieve a common goal” as the answer to this question.

And yes. That is true.

But if we dig deeper as to the real meaning and purpose of leadership, what do we get then?

None. There’s no real and definite answer to that.
Why? Because if you are really born to lead, you’ll sure end up realizing what leadership means to YOU.


Leadership is influencing individuals and groups of people to move with their best efforts to achieve the highest possible peak they have for themselves. –the common goal will be achieved afterwards. Because there’s no such thing as achieving group goals without achieving individual goals first.

So, what do I mean by this?

A leader, must have a great sense of self-direction first before being able to lead many.
Remember: A lost soul can never lead another lost soul. They’ll end up, well, both lost.

Aside from self-direction, a real leader must have the following qualities:

1.       The Brain: Knowledge is power. –they say. I sincerely believe that this is true. I know that it will take a great deal of thinking when you are leading yourself –and others. So, it is very important for a leader to have a healthy brain and sense of thinking in order to come up with plans to deal with many responsibilities. So, the saying “The Leader is the Head of the group.” is literally true.

2.       The Heart: When you are a leader, your followers look up to you not just as their leader, but as their mother (or father) as well. In a more cozy setting, you are either the group’s big sister or brother. This means, being the “All-Knowing-Walking-Google-Bitch” is not enough. Aside from the ability to lay out plan of action, a leader is also required to have the heart (conscience) to be able to tailor fit any course of action based on the group’s (or individual’s) current situation. And when I say current situation, this means a leader’s approach should not just be based on superficial events. –but non-superficial too.

Okay, this may take more explaining as I thought it would. I can also use the word “Sensitivity” for this.

A leader must have enough sensitivity in order to come up with achievable plans for the group. One good example is this scenario:

-Scenario 1-
Case Study: Reproductive Health
Mission: To provide alternatives for the effectivity of RH / Family Planning
Situation: 3 of your group members are devout Roman Catholics who oppose alternative methods

Tendency: If you’re the type of a leader who ONLY uses your brain, you’ll end up imposing the results of your research as the general findings and stand of your group without any consideration of your group members’ background. Which will lead to forced stand.

You just forced 3 of your group members to take your stand they don’t personally believe in. They cry themselves at night afraid that their souls will burn in hell because they were forced to take a stand opposite to the teachings of their faith. In church, they suddenly distanced themselves to their church friends. Ashamed of the fact that they were forced to participate in a case study where, they could’ve given their own additional alternatives to the alternatives based on their personal opinions and teachings, if only given a chance. –If only you were sensitive enough to ask your members’ take on the case.

-Scenario 2-
Office Situation: Over-time pay
Background: Your subordinate asked you to sign his overtime slip. You refuse to sign it and said; “It’s part of your job. Why would you file it as overtime? You shouldn’t. You should love your work to the point that working extra hour should be treated as reflection of your love for work. Look at me. I stay here overtime. I work more than 12 hours. I stay late here because I love my job. You should to!”

Result: Your subordinate went home to his family. His wife is very angry at him and suspects he’s having an affair because he stayed late at work. His youngest daughter asked if he was able to grab a treat on his way home. He said he couldn’t because he doesn’t have the money. His eldest son asked for money for a school project. He was forced to give the money he had left on his wallet that he saved for his transportation. On their fridge (that doesn’t work), he saw a disconnection notice from Meralco. And oh! His wife is 2 months pregnant to their third baby.

Your subordinate earns P16,000.00/mo. –net.
While you earn P30,000.00/mo. – and you don’t have children to send to school because your children are old enough and are working too. Surely, you love your job. Everyone is happy for you. Congratulations!

Being a leader doesn’t only call for a brain that knows everything. Being a leader also calls for a person who has the heart to put his/herself in other people’s shoes. The sensitivity to know people and look at them not just as followers but family too. The passion to help people to do better not just as an employee, but a person.

Wew! That was long! But not as long as the time I have to spend to be able to realize that. J

3.       The Maturity: Not the age.- the psychological and emotional maturity (google: EQ). There’s no such thing as a perfect leader. Nope. That’s just impossible. Master Oogway was great! But he was a turtle. And he’s a cartoon character. So, No. there’s no such thing as a perfect leader.

Maturity and Adaptability. Maturity in knowing that people are different and respect individuality. The ability in making mature adjustments for people of age, race, culture, tradition and backgrounds. –among other things.

Maturity in leadership is the ability to take on all covered and uncovered duties with strong sense of responsibility. The ability to make sound decisions based on the group’s collaborative effort. And the ability to take ownership of the results or consequences of actions taken.

Maturity is the ability to know when to stand as the lead authority and when to let your followers take the lead.

Maturity is the ability to take criticism constructively and not take it as a personal attack or attack on your delegation.

-Scenario-
Situation: Subordinate Suggestion
Background: Your subordinate had been asking you about the plan specifics for an upcoming event. He had been asking you for two weeks now because he needs to finish all the schedule plot to avoid system over-rides. Two weeks passed, you didn’t gave him any update on the event. Then 1:34 A.M. of the day of the event, you asked him to plot a schedule for 2 personnel. You knew schedules are plotted for 2weeks because of the Scheduling system. A single change on the plot would require re-work on rearrangements. Not to mention, system over-ride. Your subordinated plotted everything upon your request. It required him to do everything all over again. Your subordinate then sent you a message: “Dear Leader, I’ve arranged everything just as you requested. Please note that schedules are plotted for 2week-basis. In the future, if you wish to have an arrangement for any events, kindly let me know in advance to avoid system overrides. I’d appreciate it very much. Thank you!”

Which you replied with: “Okay. Next time, you do my job if you’re that good.”

Your subordinate was tempted to reply: “Sure! Quit your job and let me take your place and I will prove you that planning is easy if you schedule everything correctly. And if you have plans for upcoming events, you could at least give a suggested plot to work on as Plot Template 2.”

-he thought about it but he didn’t replied to your message because he was more mature than you.

The next day, you gave everyone in the office bars of chocolates.-aside from your subordinate who plotted everything at 2:00 A.M. and who will spend the whole day correcting all the system override all because of your poor planning.

You knew he love chocolates. So, middle finger goes to you for excluding him! And middle finger goes to you for being a bully! And middle finger goes to you for misleading everyone with your smooth talks. They don’t have any idea. You’re just another wanna-be who can’t fully deliver your false-promises.

4.       The “Selfless” Mentality: A leader doesn’t have to know everything. It is never required for a leader to have all abilities known to man. Therefore, a leader should be selfless in a sense that he/she should not take everything for his/herself.

This is something people often mistook about leadership. That a leader must have all the qualities required of the job. –Wrong!

Only really great leaders know, that they don’t have to stick their heads on everything to gain everything. All they need to do is to have the smarts to choose the right combination of people to deliver the best job there is.

If you want to be a great leader, choose people who are way smarter that you. People who are willing to go the extra distance for you. People who knows how to dance to any rhythm. People who are willing to get theirs hands dirty. People who are willing to sweat. People who are willing to crawl. People who knows how to have fun!

A great leader is the one who knows the flow of action is not centered or focused at him/her. But on the people he/she was able to build up. The one who knows that people are the center of everything. Not him. Not her. –but the people.

A great leader is the one who acknowledges the need of his/her people for supplementary nourishment. Someone who knows how to share his/her knowledge to everyone. Keeping in mind that well-informed, and well-equipped soldiers make the best army.

5.       The “Sharing” Mentality: see number 4. This is just an additional. Please share that potato chips you have inside your drawer. You’ll never know the magic a bag of potato chips can make to people and relationships if you keep that bag all for yourself. Share the obesity factor. Thank you!

6.       The Confidence: Not self-confidence. –but the confidence in others. I’ve met lots and lots of talented leaders before. Leaders who are not afraid to face people, tell them what to do and so on. Self-confidence for people born with the talent and the smarts is not so hard to achieve. It is innate. But confidence in others, now that’s something any leader has to work on. The confidence that even if you don’t lift a finger, or say a word. You just know your followers will do the act. The confidence in your people that they can deliver a great job. The confidence in others that they can do it with or without you. The confidence that you place in your people’s hands that they will not fail. For the essence of leadership, is actually creating new leaders.

You can’t call yourself a leader if you can’t even trust your people to do their jobs. Taking care of things on your own doesn’t make you a great leader. Helping people become dependable and reliable. –that’s what makes you one.

Hindi leader ang tawag sa mga tao na walang tiwala at nangbi-baby sa subordinates nya. Lola ang tawag dun. Malaki ang kaibahan ng dalawa.

7.       The “Just” Mentality: A leader must show and reflect justice and fairness in all aspects. Having pets are normal. But as a leader, you of all people should know that paying someone more favorable attention compared with others does not and will not help anyone in your group. It would only promote insecurity, envy and unhealthy competition.

8.       The General’s Dignity: covers the ability to stand for your people. To represent them.

Ever wonder why generals still fight in battle along side their soldiers? Because in the battle field, a general is no different to a soldier. Whatever battle your soldier is going through, you should be there, fighting with them. Leading the way. Taking charge.

You shouldn’t call yourself a leader if you do not have the guts to step up and speak up for your people.


“Nagugutom na yung tao mo. Ni hindi mo sila mabigyan ng tinapay. Tinatapak-tapakan na sila, ni hindi mo sila maipaglaban. Bakit ka pa nandyan kung wala ka naman palang silbi? Hala. Umuwi ka nalang at maghugas ng plato!”

9. The NO-BULLSHIT-ATTITUDE: As a leader, you are required to be sensitive in handling your people. but don't get this wrong. too much sensitivity can sometimes result to sugar-coating. instead of giving your people the real score, you end up giving them false hopes that everything's okay even when it's not.

You can still be sensitive without compromising honesty. when time comes your team needs to perform, give them the right expectations. never mislead them.

if things aren't working the way they should, them let them know. -they deserve to know the truth.

if you can't give them the assistance that they need, then be honest and let them know you need help.

if someone from your team misbehaves, give them the right to explain why they acted that way. -if it's unreasonable, then give them the discipline they deserve.

Never mislead your team in believing you got everything covered for them. -you can only try.

Wag paniwalain ang mga tao na sandalan ka nila, kung anytime, very willing kang ilaglag sila sa mga alanganing sitwasyon. nakaka-bullshit yon.



Notes to Company Owners in choosing your Leaders:

I have given you a list of qualities of a leader in addition to the cliché requirements. This shall make it easier for you to make appropriate decisions with regards to choosing or promoting people to take on leadership positions.

I just want to add the “Don’t choose” part:

1.       Don’t choose people who prioritize work over family. –frankly. You think you hit the jackpot when you hired or promoted someone who prioritize work because you see them as business grower. NO! You’re wrong. They are robots who doesn’t have life (if not living a miserable life). They are fast workers, always at the office, stays late at the office. –yes. But not because they love their job. It just happened that they don’t want to be at or have anything to do at home. Or outside. That’s why they’d rather spend their hours working.  

Then they got used to it so much that they led themselves into believing that they love their job. They are the kind of people who always says “Yes sir.” “Aye, Sir!” “I’ll do it.” etc. They work. But they don’t give you the best results. They work. But they don’t deliver excellent job. Why? Because they don’t have a life! Workaholics are not the most motivated people at the office because they lack inspiration. They are the type of people who makes the office vibes negative.

They are the black-and-white only people. They are the kind who only sees what’s wrong. They rarely acknowledge great work by other people. They look at smart subordinates as competition that they have to kill as soon as possible. They are lifeless, colorless people. Imagine life without yellow! Green! Blue! Pink! Imagine. NO Pink!!!

Your office will be such a sad, sad place to work in. People will work, yes. But not because they love what they do, or who they work with. But because they need to have the money to feed their families. –and that’s that. 90% of workaholics are like what I’ve mentioned above. You rarely meet a workaholic person who smiles with so much life!

2.       Don’t choose people just because of their loyalty. I don’t know. But it’s been a Filipino culture to promote people just because they stayed with the company for so long. And companies often give promotion to a higher level position as a reward.

WRONG!

Promotions should not be treated just as a reward. -But acknowledgement of Great Work done by a person. Promotions are for people who work their ass off for the benefit of the company. For people who handle 5-man jobs. People who handle multiple works all at the same time. Promotions are for people who reflect and perform the right qualities. People who actually walk the talk.  People who goes above and beyond the job description to deliver results.

The thing with promoting people just because they stayed with the company for so long is that it gives the impression that as long as you stay, you’ll get promoted. So just stay. That’s all you need to do. Even if you don’t perform well, as long as you stay, you’ll be a manager. Even if you don’t have a right qualities, as long as you stay, you’ll be the department head. Kahit tanga ka pa, magiging mataas ang katungkulan mo. At kapag mataas na katungkulan mo, wala ka nang gagawin. Tititigan mo nalang computer mo at magpapanggap kang busy ka. Kunwari, may ginagawa ka pa. kapag wala si boss, mag gupit ka ng kuko every-other day. O kaya mag bunot ng kilay. O uban. O uban sa kilay.

Rewards system is so sick that it gives power to the wrong people to command effective, talented people.

The result: Talents, wasted. Smarts, wasted. Soon, those talented and smart people will become weary and tired being led by the wrong leaders. If they are brave, they’ll pack their things and leave. If they’re afraid, sad thing. They will grow old having the same mind set as those people whose names appear on the upper level of the ladder. –another tragedy in the making.

Note: Giving power to the wrong people. That’s the biggest mistake any company or company owners can make.

Same goes to the government. Come 2016, same cycle will take place. –unless we change the habit.

3.       Don’t choose people who just tells you stuff. People will tell you anything you want to hear. Especially if you have the money, the means, the power. Business is politics. And you will be surrounded by politicians who will feed your ears with beautiful lies. You will give in, of course. Because what they say is so nice that they make you believe they are your savior. Feel free to give in. –if you’re weak. But, if you still have strength, run! If you have the smarts, then, out-wit them! These people are the kind of people who will play strings to get what they want from you. So, beware.



These are just raw realizations on leadership. My views are still subject to change. I’m still looking for great influences who can help me balance my perspectives.

Most people will say that it’s difficult to find people with the qualities I’ve mentioned.

It is very difficult. Yes. –but not impossible.

I am very fortunate that I was able to find 3 people who have the qualities I have mentioned. I would love to become the 4th.

Goal set. I’m on the move.



Tuesday, April 7, 2015

a tea time conversation with a soul

a tea time conversation with a soul

November 2, 2010 at 8:09am
is this the only life you can live?
is this the only kingdom you can rule?
are those the only warriors you can lead?
is that the only thing you can do?

as the wind blows, it whispers....

now that i learn to understand you more,
i can't help but feel sorry for you.

for i know you can do better than that.

you have your strengths, yet you chose to take advantage of your people's weakness instead.

you could have been better than what you are now.
you could have had my respect.

our good Lord, gave you a fair position.
a position where you could mold. teach.
not corrupt your people off their innocence.

He gave you a public.
a public that is so willing to follow you to whatever end,
if only you chose to guide them by good example.

you have the power to change their lives.
give them the chance to grow,
to broaden their minds.
to widen their horizon...
you could have showed them how to succeed.excel.

you have the power to help them reach their goals.
the power to bring their potential into reality.

you have the power to help them.

you have been given the privilege of intelligence.
yet you chose to use it for yourself...
and only, for yourself.

you could have lead them.
teach them how to lead their own lives.

yet you chose not to.

focusing on the benefit you can achieve leaving them doomed. leaving them without a hope for a better future.
keeping them imprisoned under your wings,
when you knew, you could have taught them how to fly. soar!

you could have done that.

but you chose not to.

our good Lord, gave you a chance.
the chance to make a difference.

but you neglected it.

you've had all the resources.
it could have prospered.
if only you chose to enrich it, not abuse it.

it is indeed, sad, to see you like this.

it hurts me to watch you burn.
burn by your greed. selfishness.

day...by day.... by day.

i ask, how could you be so reckless? heartless?

you were born so strong.
not to belittle those who are weak.
but to help them to be the best they can be.

you could have done what was right.
yet you've chosen not to.

you could have reached further.

you could have earned your people's faith.

you could have lead your life to great, great places.

you could have achieved more.

if only you did what was ought for you to do.

are you even happy?

do you feel fulfilled?

some people might envy you for the power that you have now.
the power you hold over your unfortunate people.
but i am not one of those people.
i can not be blinded by your great disguise.

i see you...

i see you...


it is indeed, sad, to see you like this.

it hurts me to watch you burn.
burn by your greed. selfishness.

day...by day.... by day.

if only you did what was ought for you to do...

then you could have been...

a much better version of your self...


oh dear! my cup is empty.

would you mind for another cup?

*poink! (o_O)_\m/

On Love and Relationships

MY EARS ARE ALL OPEN WHEN YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT THINGS

November 8, 2011 at 3:46pm
"MY EARS ARE ALL OPEN WHEN YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT THINGS. MY MIND, AND MY HEART, WILL UNDERSTAND YOUR WORDS NO MATTER HOW DREADFUL IT IS. TALK, AND I WILL LISTEN. EXPRESS, AND I WILL UNDERSTAND. I WILL NOT JUDGE YOU. NO. I WOULDN'T DO THAT BECAUSE I LOVE YOU. ALL POSSIBILITIES ARE WELCOME. I AM READY TO ACCEPT YOUR TRUTH. I WILL GIVE YOU TIME AND SPACE FOR YOU TO GROW. AND WHEN IN TIME, YOU FIND ME NOT SUITABLE, IF ONE TIME, YOU FIND ME UNWORTHY OF YOUR LOVE, COME AND TALK TO ME. I WILL LISTEN. AND I WILL NOT JUDGE. I LOVE YOU THAT MUCH THAT I AM WILLING TO GIVE YOU WHAT YOU NEED EVEN FREEDOM. BUT FOR NOW, LET'S SAVOR THE MOMENT WE HAVE. AND LET US NOT DO CRAZY THINGS THAT WILL DESTROY WHAT WE WORKED HARD FOR IN YEARS. I LOVE YOU."

this is what i always say to my bf whenever we had serious talks... this is not a "guilt crusher". this is simply, my way of letting him know that he can trust me. that he can tell me anyhting. that no matter how bad things get, i will always listen to him, and i will always try to understand. this is not easy... especially when deep emotions are attached. but i am lucky, that in time, we both helped each other how to grow... we taught each other how to trust each other and respect our differences. we've had clutters too. and sure as the sun, we will have more. our relationship, is a continuous process of learning and discovery. i can say that i owe him a lot... and he too, learned a lot from me. that, i am certain.
we have this relationship which is quite similar to others. we've had problems, issues, fights, laughs, talks (millions of it), tantrums, everything.
just like other couples, we've had times when we just want to give up.
but we never let that happen.
because, at the end of the day, we always end up patching things, making amends, reconcillation, peace.
we always end up together. because, we just couldn't let go.
no.
no matter how worst we are as a couple.
no matter how our smarts always clash.
no matter how naggy i am.
no matter how bad his temper is...
no matter how imperfect we are as individuals - and as a couple.
we just couldn't let go.
we just couldn't leave each other to rot in our baddness.
no.
no matter how bad things get.
i couldn't leave him.
and he couldn't leave me.
because we both knew, we love each other and that we have to stay together to help bring out the best in ourselves, and our relationship.
we are not perfect.
we will never be.
but i hope, our relationship, our respect, trust and understanding,
can help those who feel like giving up, and letting each other go because of betrayal, pain, hurt.
i would like to share my thoughts,
so it may help others.
there are people, who uses leaving as a threat... ito yung nakakalungkot... na parang ginagawa nilang punishment ang pangiiwan sa isang taong pumalyang paligayahin sila...
this, i learned through time...
that no matter how you love each other, there will always come a point na madidisappoint ka ng taong mahal mo at inaasahan mong magmamahal at magaalaga sayo...
 ito ang mali sa ibang tao...
at naging mali ko dati.
i expected too much.
 like, "I AM HONEST. SO BE HONEST TO ME. I AM LOYAL SO YOU SHOULD BE LOYAL. I AM THIS, YOU SHOULD BE LIKE THIS. I AM ALL THAT GOOD SO YOU SHOULD BE GOOD BECAUSE I DESERVE IT." maraming tao ang may ganyang mentality. TRUE. EVERYONE DESERVES TO BE TREATED RIGHT. EVERONE DESERVES THE BEST.
but, it always depends on the capabilty of the other person. we don't have the power to impose our views to our partners as much as they can not impose all their beliefs in us. maraming tao ang, "niloko nya ako... ginago nya ako... tinanga nya ako...kaya dapat iwan ko sya." nang hindi manlang iniisip, kung nagawa ba nila ng maayos at mabuti ang part nila bilang partner.
dahil kung nagawa mo talaga ang dapat mong gawin, at nagampanan mo ang role mo, bilang partner, walang rason para bumitaw ka... dahil kaya ka nga nandyan, para turuan sya, at para hindi iasa ang trabaho ng pagbabago sa kanya...
 AS A PARTNER, YOU SHOULD GIVE IT YOUR BEST TO BRING OUT THE BEST IN YOUR OTHER HALF. hindi yung lugmok na nga yung tao, iiwan mo pa sa ere...

ang lahat ay nadadaan sa usapan...

halimbawang niloko ka ng partner mo, hindi tamang basta exit ka nalang dhil nasaktan ka...
bilang tao, may kapasidad kang mag-isip ng tama...
at may kakayahan kang tumulong.
 tumulong ka hangga't makakaya mo...
pwede kang tumulong ng hindi ka nagpapaloko...
hindi mo kailangang maging martir at lunukin ang panloloko...
pero, maniwala kang, higit kaninu man, ikaw ang may higit na kapangyarihan para itama ang anumang mali...
hayaan mong bukas ang iyong puso para tulungang mabago ang dapat mabago...
ang pangiiwan sa taong minamahal ay palatandaan ng kahinaan...
 hindi mo masasabing mahal mong tunay ang isang tao kung agad-agad mo lang syang tatalikuran.

Sino ang tunay na Baliw?

#sa bawat hakbang: isang masustansyang hapon sa piling ni Mang Ben

October 27, 2012 at 12:39pm
#malakas ang pananalig ko na basta minimum ang pamasahe, ibig-sabihin, pwedeng lakarin.
At yun na nga ang ginagawa ko.

Basta minimum, LAKARIN! ;)

*kuya, mga ilang minutes lakarin mula dito sa bahay hanggang SM? -minsan tanong ko sa kuya ko.

Mahilig sa adventures si kuya.

Umaakyat ng bundok.

Nagba-bike kung saan-saan...

At madalas namin bonding, documentaries about wildlife and Earth kundi man history and politics.

Magka-iba kami ng pananaw tungkol sa nuclear energy. ;)

"para sa akin, 30mins. Brisk walker kasi ako." -sagot ni kuya.

*sa isip.

Kung 30mins yun para kay kuya na brisk-walker, malamang, mga 1hr or more yun para sa akin.
Hindi naman kasi ako mabilis malakad.

*owkei! ;)
pwedeng pwede!

#isang araw, sa lakas ng sapi ko...

Napagpasyahan kong lakarin mula sa amin hanggang sm.

*timer...
Starts...

NOW!

habang naglalakad ako,
ilang jeep din ang lumagpas sa akin.
May ilan na sinisigawan pa ako ng mga driver or backride na sumakay na.

Kapag ngumingiti ako at sinasabing, "ah, hindi po ako sasakay. Salamat."

titingnan nila ako na parang ako ang pinaka-insane na tao sa mundo.

At ang mga pasahero, sinusundan ako ng tingin.

Sa kanilang mga titig, aking nababasa: "there must be something wrong with her..."

sa isip ko, "hehe.. ;)".

51mins and 36secs.

Tadadan!

Hindi ako lumampas sa 1 oras.

Yeah boy! ;)

#narating ang nais patunguhan.

Napatunayan ang nais patunayan.

#kapag minimum ang pamasahe,

super pwedeng lakarin!

Pero, kung naka-japorms ka, super hindi pwede.

Kung maarte ka, mas super hindi pwede!

At kung wala kang interes sa mga bagay na pwede mong mapulot sa paglalakad, mas lalong lalong lalong super hindi pwede!

Hahahahahahahahaha!!!

*ang dusing ng paa ko, nakakatuwa.
Dama ko ang lupon ng mga tiyanak sa loob ng ilong ko. Kombinasyon ng natural na sipon, alikabok, at usok.

Ummmm... Nutrients! ;)

hindi ako pumasok sa loob ng mall.
Umupo lang ako sa hagdan sa may entrance. Naisip ko, bakit may malls?

Hmmmm...
Another created need.

Kayang kaya na talagang gumawa ng mga tao ng mga pangangailangan na hindi naman talaga kailangan...

Social conditioning.

Ilang years din akong bulag sa katotohanan.

Nung unang panahon, nilalakad ng mga tao ang mga kontinente.

Parang gusto ko yon gawin ngayon.

#wala nang end sa talents ng tao. Kahit imposible, nagagawa na.

Kapag ginawa mo ang basics, ikaw na ang baliw.

Olrayt!;)

hmmmmmm...

Parang kailan lang, andaming ma puno sa lugar na to.
Naaalala ko pa nung bata ako...
Nung panahon na ang pinaka-malapit na mall ay ang sm cubao.
Tong kinauupuan ko, puro ibon dito.
At malamig ang hangin.

Ngayon, yung mga ibon, sa mga billboards na dumadapo kapag oras na ng pagtulog nila.

Nakaka-awa. ;(

sa harap ko, dati, puro puno ang nakatayo at kumakaway...

Ngayon, bakal na ang mga nakatirik.

May paalala na malapit nang matapos ang pinaka-hihintay ng lahat.

Isa nanamang mall.

Excited na ang mga taong masilayan ang bagong tambayan.
Ang bagong bisyo.
Ang bagong pampawala ng boredom.

Ang bagong created need.

Saklap.


#haaaaaaaaay...

Hindi ko alam kung sadya akong out of place.

Parang ipinanganak ako sa maling panahon.

*pahinga konti.

Bumili ako ng all-on-sticks combo.

2 malaking kikiam.
2 squid/ chicken balls.
2 fishball.

10 pesos.

Sabay malamig na buko juice.

#ah... This is life!

#napukaw ang pansin ko ng isang taong grasa na naglalakad-lakad.

Huminto sya, para tingnan ang lupon ng mga ibon na naglalambaras sa kawad ng kuryente.

#napa-iling-iling.

*mukhang pareho kami ng saloobin.

Bimili ulit ako ng combo. Take out.

Sinundan si manong taong grasa...

#kinakausap ang sarili.

"panay-panay tayo ng mga malalaking bahay! Wala nang bahay mga ibon! Mga dimonyo!" -sabay pulot ng tinapay na mga 10 years na atang nasa kalsada.


"manong! Manong! Wag nyo po kainin yan!" -pigil ko.

"bakit?sayo ba to?"

"ay, hindi po. Pero, ito po, may pagkain ako, ito nalang po kainin nyo."

tinanggap naman nya.
Walang pasalamat.

Saan po kayo pupunta?

*napangiwi ng mapaso ng mainit na kikiam.

"a-hit aan!"

hipan nyo po muna, para hindi po kayo mapaso. Inum po kayo oh,...

Abot ng buko.

Walang salamat.

"kahit saan."

pwede po ba akong sumabay?

*mapanuring tingin.

#first time kong madanas na tingnan ng isang tao na walang tino sa pagiisip na tila ako isang tao na walang tino sa pagiisip.

#ahaaay. ;]

"bakit? Wala ka bang bahay?"

ah, meron po.

"may gusto ka ba sa akin?"

#patay.

"pupunta ako sa dulo ng walang hanggan. Maghahanap ako ng ginto para yumaman."

#naglakad na kami.

*hawak ang baso ng fishball at plastik ng buko sa kaliwang kamay, at tangan ang stick sa kanan...
Sa gitna ng pagkain...

"kapag yumaman ako, papagiba ko lahat ng batong yan! (malls)..."

"sila ang nagpapasok ng kadimonyohan sa isip ng mga tao!"

"daming nagdudukot! Mga magnanakaw!"

*subo. Nguya. Inum.

"nilayasan ako ng asawa ko dahil wala akong yaman pambili ng magagarang damit at alahas! Ipinagpalit ako sa mayamang lalake! Mga hayup!"

*subo. Nguya. Inum.

#ubos.

*dighay.

"sino ka?"

lyka po pangalan ko.

"bakit mo ako sinusundan?
Wala na akong kotse."

ah, ahm... Nagbabaka-sakali lang po na baka may matutunan.

"gusto mong iduscuss ko kung paano gumagana ang mata ng tao?"

po?

*discuss.

*tulala ako.

"anu pang gusto mong malaman?"

ano pong pangalan nyo?

"iniwan na ako ng pangalan ko. Tawag nila sa akin, baliw."

anu pong tawag sa inyo ng asawa nyo dati?

"ben."

mang ben. Bago po kayo naging ganito. Ahm, ano po ba kayo dati?

*tumingin.

"maniniwala ka ba kung sasabihin ko? O tulad nila, sasabihin mo ring baliw ako?"

ano po kayo dati, mang ben?

"doktor."

*katahimikan.

"bakit hindi ka natawa?"

ano po bang nakakatawa don?

"pinagtatawanan ako ng mga tao kapag sinasabi kong dati akong doktor."

kung doktor po kayo dati, hindi ko po kayo dapat pagtawanan.

"eh pano kung hindi?"

ganun din po.

"baliw ka ba?"

#first time kong madanas na tanungin ako ng isang taong tinuturing na baliw kung baliw ba ako.

Hindi ko po alam.

Parte po ako ng henerasyon ngayon na sumasamba sa mga bagay na gawa ng makabagong panahon.

Hindi ko po alam kung ano na ang baliw.

"nakiki-ayon ka sa paligid dahil sa yun ang napapanahon? Baliw ka nga."

#patay.

*katahimikan.

Binabagtas na namin ang daan pauwi sa amin. Sa tantsa ko'y nasa kalahati na kami.

Bawat dumaraang sasakyan ay hindi pansin.

Umuulan ng mapanuring mga tingin at pangmamata.

Mga tanong na hindi ko kailangan sagutin.

Mga panghuhusgang hindi ko kailangan indahin.

Manong Ben, matagal na po ba kayong ganito? hindi po ba kayo napapagod?

"matagal na. Hindi na ako nakakaramdam ng pagod."

wala po ba kayong bahay? Saan po ba kayo nakatira dati?

"may bahay ako. At pamilya. Pero, tinalikuran na nila ako.

Akin ang buong Pilipinas. Pilipino ako at saan man sulok ng Pilipinas ay pwede kong tawaging tahanan."

paano po kapag bumabagyo, o mainit, o gabing malamig? Saan po kayo tumutuloy?

"hindi ako takot sa panahon. Ang panahon ay pauli-ulit sa pagbabago. Kung uulan ngayon, bukas aaraw. Mas baliw ang panahon kesa sa akin. Hindi ba dapat sya ang matakot sa kanyang kalagayan? Hindi sya stable."

*hindi naiwasang ngumiti.

"bakit ang puti mo? Amerikano ka ba?"

hindi po. Pilipino po ako.

"pareho pala tayo."

opo.

"mayaman ka ba?"

naku, hindi po. Tamang sapat na pamumuhay lang po.

"may pamilya ka?"

opo. Papa at mama ko po. At mga kapatid ko. At mga pamangkin ko.

"asawa, anak?"

ah, wala pa po. Bata pa po ako.

"wag ka magaasawa ng babaeng mukhang pera."

opo. Hindi po ako magaasawa ng babae. Bawal po yun sa batas.
At opo, hindi po ako magaasawa ng mukhang pera.

"maging mabuti kang anak, kapatid at tita. Hindi mo hawak ang mundo sa palad mo. Kaya habang may pagkakataon ka, maging mabuti kang tao."

opo.



October 30, 2012 at 11:28am

#it is a rare opportunity to find someone who can fill every moment with a conversation filled with sense. - even in silence.

maraming hakbang din ang ginugol namin ni mang ben.

may kibo o wala, may kung anung saya ang dumapo sa aking puso.

maraming beses na akong nakipag-usap sa iba't-ibang tao.

complete strangers kahit pa may silent rule na: "DON'T TALK TO STRANGERS!!"

sige na, out law na ako.

minsan nadin akong nakipag-kwentuhan sa def-mute. -yun masaya din yun.

pero iba talaga si mang ben.

naalala ko si super friend ko...

yung tipong kahit hindi sya magsalita, basta, andyan sya, happy ko.

ganun yung feeling ko with mang ben.

malapit na kami sa lugar namin.

nalakad namin ang distansya ng hindiko napapansin.

walang pagod.

walang bahid ng pagka-pagal.

ganito pala yung pakiramdam.

#lalampas ako, sigurado.

at lumampas nga ako. -sadya.

#ito siguro yung feeling nung mga teenagers na kasabay umuuwi yung mga crush nila nung high school.
mas pinipili nila ang LONG CUT para ma-savor ang moment.

*hindi na ako highschool.
*hindi na teenager.
*at mas lalo namang hindi ko crush si mang ben.

sa palagay ko, happy lang talaga ako sa moment.

manong, nagugutom na po ba kayo?

*medyo madilim na.

oo. bakit? gutom ka din ba?
wala akong pagkain.

ah, hindi naman po...
gusto nyo po ba kumain?

oo. sino bang may ayaw kumain?

tara po, kain tayo.

wala akong pera.

ayos lang po. ako nang bahala.

akala ko ba, hindi ka mayaman?

hindi nga po. pero, hindi ko naman po sinabing wala akong pera.

kung may pera ka, bakit ka naglakad?

mahilig po akong maglakad.
at mag....
well... maglakad.

may pera ka, pero naglalakad ka?

kaya naman pong lakarin. kaya nilalakad ko.

akala ko, ako lang ang baliw.
mas baliw kapala sa akin.

#toinks!

bagoko ilibre si mang ben,batid ko na mahabang panahon na syang nagiisa.
walang bahay na masisilungan,
walang anak na yayakap.
walang asawa na maglalambing.
at matagal na syang hindi nakakatikim ng totoong pagkain.

kaya bago kami kumain, tinanong ko muna ang bagong kaibigan:

ano pong gusto  nyong kainin mang ben?

*matagal na pagiisip.

kahit ano!

sa tagal ng pagiisip nya, yun lang ang naisagot nya.

#kahit ano.

ahm... walapo ba kayong gustong kainin?
yung tipong pagkain na gustong gusto nyong tikman?

*matagal na pagiisip.

wala.
kahit anong pagkain, basta pwedeng kainin, ayos na.

#sa tagal ng panahon na inilagi sa kanyang kalagayan, marahil, nakalimutan na nya ang konsepto ng  WANTS.

napagpasyahan kong gawing masaya ang araw.

napagpasyahang ilibre si mang ben sa masayahing bubuyog.

#discrimination!

hindi pinapasok si mang ben sa masayahing bubuyog dahil sa kanyang hitsura.

business is business.
wala akong magagawa.

mang ben, hintayin nyo nalang po ako dito ha?
bibili lang po ako ng kakainin natin.

hindi um-oo. pero umupo ang aking kaibigan sa step ng store.
at pumasok na ako sa loob para um-order.

1 2pc chicken +extra rice large drink
1 spaghetti meal large drink
2 large fries
2 peach-mango pie
2 black forest na sundae.


#it's a feast!!!

paglabas ko'y nakita kong tahimik na nakatitig si mang ben sa manong na nagtitinda ng mga lobo.
yung malalaking mukha nila DORA, SPONGE BOB, PATRICK AT BEN 10.

gusto nyo po ba ng lobo?

*walang tugon.

ibinaba ko ang pinamiling fiesta, at akmang lalapit na sa manong na nagtitinda ng lobo nang...

yung pang babae.

#DORA HEAD APPROACHING!

BAMONOS!!!

iniabot kay mang ben ang lobo.

tara, manong...
kain na po tayo.
umupo sa lapag na kinauupuan ng kaibigan.
iniayos ang "hapag".

kain na po!

#DORA.

sino tong batang to?

ah, si dora po yan.
yan po yung usong cartoons sa mga bata ngayon.
nagtuturo po sya ng spanish.
at kumakanta.
marami po syang friends.

favorite ko dun si GRUMPY OLD TROLL who lives under a bridge. (parang gusto ko pa kantahin.)

aaah...

kain na po.

tiningnan ako ni mang ben na tila ayaw kumain.
ayaw bitawan si DORA.

naglaro ang imahinasyon ko:

#LET GO,MANONG! LET GO!
HEY KIDS, YOU TELL MANONG TO LET GO OF ME AND EAT HIS FOOD!
LET'S DO IT! YOU CAN LEAD THE WAY... HEY HEY!

hinawakan ang lobo sa kanyang kaliwang kamay at akmang kakain gamit ang kanan.

amina po.

itinali ko ang lobo sa plastik ng anik-anik na lagi nyang dala.

wag po kayong mag-alala. hindi po yan lilipad.

panatag.

kumain ng matiwasay.

masarappo ba?

#tingin kay dora.

ah,manong ben, focus po muna kayo sa pagkain.
hindi po aalis si dora. maniwala po kayo.
wala syang map. kaya hindi sya makaka-alis.

panatag.
kumain.

pwede ko bang tikman yan?

turo sa spaghetti.

ay,opo naman. ito po, share tayo.

kumain ng kumain.
nagpaka-busog.

masarap po ba?

lahat ng pagkain, masarap.

wala akong karapatang maging maselan.

lahat ng pagkain ay biyaya.
wala sa akin kung masarap o hindi.
kung mahal o hindi.
basta, iisa lang ang tingin ko sa mga pagkain.

#BIYAYA.

*napaisip.
*totoo ang sinabi ng kaibigan.

bakit nga ba ayaw ng mga tao ang NFA?
at nagbubuhos ng yaman para sa JASMINE.

kapag nadigest yon,
pareho naman siguro yon ng amoy at hitsura kapag inilabas na ng tao.

i mean, matutukoy mo pa ba ang kaibahan ng NFAat JASMINE kapag OUTPUT na ito?
masasabi mo bang "ay, ayang output na yan ay NFA. ewwww..." o kaya naman "excuse me,my output is JASMINE. duh!"

#sa palagay ko, hindi mo naman yun magagawa.

#DORA.

natapos kumain.
binalikan ni mang ben si dora.

*katahimikan.

hindi ko pa nabilhan ng lobo ang anak ko.
sa pagay mo, magugustuhan nya yan?

ah... lahat po ata ng bata, natutuwa kay dora.
pero, sa palagay ko, hindi sya magandang impluwensya.
kasi, kung saan saan po sya pumupunta.
hindi po ata sya nababantayan ng nanay nya.

#katy.

magugustuhan mo kaya ang lobo?

ilang taon na po ba si katy?

limang taon sya nung huli ko syang makita.
nakulong ako.

ilang taon po kayo nakulong?

labing-dalawang birthdayko.

(5+12 = 17)

ilang taon na po kayong laya?

tiningnan ang mga daliri sa kamay.

mukhang kulang. dahil tiningnan rin ang mga daliri sa paa.

(5+12=17 + not sure = not sure. but sure, it's been a very long time)

hindi ko alam kung paano sasabihin kay mang ben na baka hindi na magustuhan ni katy ang lobo.
pero, kung su-swertehin, baka magustuhan ng anak ni katy si dora.

manong ben, nung lumaya kayo, naisip nyo po ba umuwi?

wala yung bahay namin don.
wala na yung asawa ko.

may asawa na raw iba.

may kung anong sakit sa huling sinabi.

nahagip ng tingin ko ang luhang pumatak at tumatak sa gilid ng mga mata at pisngi ni mang ben.

#DORA.

lagot ka.pina-iyak mo si mang ben...

sana, sinabi nya sa akin ang problema.
sana, sinabi nya nalang na ayaw na nya sa akin.
handa akong magtrabaho ng masigasig para may pambili sya ng mga gusto nya.
sana, nakatapos ng kolehiyo so katy.
sana, hindi sya binubugbog ng bago nyang asawa.
sana, hindi ako ganito.

#DORA.

hindi ko akalaing kaya mong magsiklab ng apoy na dati nang naapula.

wala po ba kayong kamag-anak?

ayaw nila sa   kriminal.
ikinahihiya ako ng mga kapatid ko.
at takot sa akin ang mga pamangkin ko.
pinagdidirihan ako ng lahat.

paano po kung may naghahanap sa inyo?

walang maghahanap sa tulad ko.

pwede ko po kayong tulungan.

sabihin nyo lang po sa akin kung paano.

gusto kong makita si katy.

ano po bang buong pangalan nya?
 katy perez.

saan po ba kayo nakatira dati?

sa bulacan.

anu pong pangalan ng dati nyong asawa?

#tiningnan ako.

blangko.

tawa.

hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

*taka.

manong ben, bakit po?

manloloko yung babaeng yun!
bakit ko kailangan tandaan ang pangalan ng babaeng manloloko?

mang ben, hindi ko po kayo matutulungan maka-uwi sa pamilya nyo kung hindi ko po makukuha lahat ng detalyeng kailangan.

hindi ko kailangan ang tulong mo.

alam ko kung nasan si katy.

pati ang magaling nyang ina.

bakit hindi nyo po sila kausapin?

sa tingin mo, makikipag-usap sila sa akin?

sa buhay, minsan ka lang maka-gawa ng dungis nadulot ng iba, itatakwil ka na na tila ka may nakakahawang sakit.
sa tingin mo, tatanggapin pa nila ako?
kung noon na abogado ako,
iniwan ako ng asawako.
ngayon pa ba niya ako mamahalin?

*gulo.

teka, mang ben, akala ko po ba, doktor kayo dati?

doktor ako nung malaya ako.

abogado ako ng aking sarili nang makulong ako.

#patay.

mang ben, tatanungin ko po kayo ng mahusay.
gusto nyo po bang umuwi?

#kung hindi ka baliw. bakit tanong ka ng tanong sa taong baliw ng kung ano-ano? at umaasa ka ng mahusay na sagot sa mahusay mong tanong?
baliw ka nga.

#toinks.

may kani-kaniya tayong paniniwala.
baliw ang tingin sa akin ng mundo.
pinangingilagan, kinatatakutan, pinandidirihan at kinukutya ako ng mga tao.
baliw ang tawag sa akin.
nakulong ako sa rehas ng maling paniniwala noon.
nabulok sa bulag na pagmamahal sa babaeng salawahan.
hindi naging mabuting ama sa aking anak.

ang tahanan ko ay hindi naging tahanan kahit kailan.
sinundan ako ng bulok na politika saan man ako nagpunta.
nakapanakit ng tao dahil nahuli ko ang aking asawa na may kasamang iba.
sila na nangloko sa akin ay mga inosente.
at ako na naloko ay kriminal.

nakulong ako sa rehas na inakalang hindi ko na malalampasan.
nang makalaya'y muling nakulong sa rehas ng panghuhusga ng mundo.
hindi aral ang lahatng tao ng law. pero, judge lahat ng tao.
paano yun nangyari?

kapag umulan, sisilong sa katiting basilungan.
at itataboy ng mga tao.
ayaw nila sa mabahong tao.
pero yumayakap sila sa mababangong aso.

kakaunting barya,minsan kong hiningi.
ngunit dinanas ko rin na paglaruan kapalit ng pisong pambili ng tubig.

nanlimos ng awa.
umani ng mapangutyang tingin.
wala ni kapirasong tabing sa katawan,
ni isa'y walang mag abot ng damit.

may iilan, na tunay na naaawa.
inaabutan ako ng tira-tirang biyaya.
minsan, damit.
na aking iniipon dito sa aking plastik na lagayan.

paabot-abot ng kung ano-ano.
na minsan ay hindi ko naman kailangan.

bibihira ang taong umuupo malapit sa akin.
hindi nila kayang maki-bahagi sa aking mundo.

wala akong ibang pagkaka-kilanlan.
tatlo ang aking pangalan.

baliw.
taong grasa.
at palaboy.

akala ng lahat ay wala akong tahanan.
hindi nila batid na napaka-laki ng bahay ko kung tutuusin.
dahil akin ang buong mundo.
biyaya ito ng panginoon na kailangan kong ingatan.

kawawa ang tingin nila sa akin.
ako.
ako na tinatamasa ang tunay na kalayaan mula sa sistemang likha ng tao.

sino ba ang tunay na bilanggo?

ako ba, na walang kailanagn sundin?
o kayo na ang bawat kilos at bawat anyo'y kailangan i-ayon sa kung ano ang dapat?

ano ba ang tao para manghusga?

lahat tayo ay lalang ng Diyos.
ikaw.
sila.
ako.

pare-pareho tayo.

wala akong pera sa aking bulsa.
pero tangan ko ay napaka-raming aral na dulot ng taon-taong karanasan.

mabubuti at masasamang alaala.

na kailan ma'y hindi mawawala.

mga aral na habang buhay kong tangan.

hanggang sa aking pagpikit.

 #inililipad-lipad ng manipis na hangin si DORA.

hindi ko akalaing sa taong itinuturing na baliw makukuha ang tunay na aral na aking hinahanap mula ng tumapak ako sa paaralan.

buhay.

elementary.
highschool.
college.
masteral.
doctorate.

anong masasabi nyo sa aral na nasa loob ng isipan ng mang ben?



================================================================================

#umuwi ng bahay.
naglinis ng katawan.
pahinga.

napaka-kapal ng kalyo ng aking mga paa.

pero, hinding hindi ako magpapa-foot spa.

hinding hindi ko buburahin ang tanda ng isang hapon
na kasama ang aking kaibigan at ang kanyang mga aral.


=================================================================================

mang ben...
ituloy mo ang buhay bilang isang taong malaya.

sana, makasama kita ulit sa isang hapon ng paglalakad. ;)

Daily Musings of a Not-So-Important-Person


October 30, 2012 at 1:23pm
LYKA’S DREAM

Libre lang mangarap. Kaya pwede mong damihan at punuin ang listahan mo. Walang kaso yun, at wlang pwedeng manghusga sayo. Basta siguraduhin mo lang na kahit isa sa 100 pangarap na iyong inilista ay tutuparin mo. Kahit gaano kahirap. Kahit buwis-buhay, tuparin mo.

Wag na wag mong sasayangin ang papel, tinta ng ballpen, lead ng lapis, oras at pag-aabalang ginugol mo upang mabuo ang iyong listahan.

Ang pagtupad mo sayong pangarap ang sasalamin sa iyong disiplina. Ang paraan ng iyong pagtupad, ang sya namang huhubog sa iyong pagka-tao.

Gaano man kataas o kababa ang pangarap mo, gaano man kahaba o kaiksi ang listahan mo, san man ito nakasulat, anu mang kulay ng tinta, naiintindihan man o hindi, ang mahalaga, may pangarap ka. May gusto kang patunguhan, may gusto kang marating. Wala nang mas nakaka-awa pa sa taong walang pangarap. Dahil ang taong walang pagsisimulan ng hakbang ay wala ring patutunguhan. Kaya magsimula ka, kahit sa pinaka-maliit na paraan. Ang mahalaga, ginawa mo ang unang hakbang tungo sa ninanais mong tagumpay. Meron kang simpleng puhunan kung paano ba-baybayin ang buhay na ipinahiram sayo. Dito ka magsimula. Magsimulang magplano para sa iyong sarili.

Noong bata pa ako, minsan ko nang pinangarap ang maging madre. Oo. Madre. Kung ngayon ko sasabihin yon, pihadong kengkoy ang kalalabasan. Pero noon, yun talaga ang gusto ko. Hindi nagtagal, nung tumuntong ako ng Grade 3, nakilala ko na ng lubusan si Gat. Jose Rizal. Hindi ko gustong maging bayani at malagay ang mukha ko sa piso. Pero don ko na ginustong maging doktor sa paniniwalang matatalino lang ang nagiging doktor. Medyo ambisyosa ako para isiping matalino ako. Pero, yun talaga ang pinaka-nagustuhan ko sa mga pinangarap ko. Ang maging doctor ( at maging matalino). Natuwa din naman sina mama at papa nung sabihin kong gusto kong maging doktor. Kahit naman sila, convinced na matalino ako, at kaya kong tuparin ang pangarap kong yon. Hanggang sa naging normal nalang sakin ang marinig mula kina mama na “ itong bunso namin, magiging doktor to pag laki.” Tuwang tuwa naman ako kapag sinasabi nila yon. Masaya akong malaman na masaya ang mga magulang ko sa nabuo kong pangarap. Kung ngayon iisipin, parang classical conditioning ang nangyari. Kasi parang masyadong itinanim sa isip ko na pagdodoktor ang kukunin kong kurso. At magiging doktor ako balang-araw.

Nadevelop ng husto ang skills ko nung elementary at high school. Lumawak ang mundo ko. Naging interes ko din ang Astronomy. At pinangarap ko din maging astronaut. Natuwa naman si papa. Pwede naman daw, sabi nya. Basta mag-aral ako ng mabuti, para pumasa sa University of the Philippines. Kasi dun may course na Physics (physical science) na unang hakbang patungong Astronomy.

Naging batang manunulat din ako at nagcompete sa iba’t-ibang school sa iba’t-ibang larangan ng pagsulat. Kaya isa nadin sa naging options ko ang Journalism. Minsan nading pinangarap nila papa at mama na makita ako sa TV na nagrereport na tulad ni Mel Tianco. Si kuya Mikel, naniwala din noon na pwede akong sumunod sa yapak ni Korina Sanchez. Pwede naman talaga. Dahil hilig ko din naman ang mag-sulat, at hilig ko din ang balita.

Malakas ang pananalig ng pamilya namin sa kakayahan ko. Na parang kahit anung pangarapin ko, kaya kong tuparin. Isa din sa inihain ng papa ko ang Political Science, tas susundan na ng Law. Dahil pwede din daw ako maging Lawyer. Sa isip ko, bakit hindi? Sa palagay ko naman, kaya ko, basta wag lang akong lilihis ng landas (at tatamarin).

Sa dami ng pangarap na pwede kong tuparin, hindi nawala ang isip ko sa pangarap kong maging doktor. Nagtapos ako ng High school, at nag pasyang Medicine ang kunin sa kolehiyo hindi dahil sa paniniwalang matalino ako. Kundi dahil matindi na ang pagnanais kong makatulong sa kapwa sa larangan ng serbisyong medikal.

Ang masaya sa magulang namin, supportive sila sa lahat ng pangarap namin. Napagkasunduan na. Medicine ang kukunin ko. May Medicine sa Our Lady of Fatima. Dun nagaaral ng Pharmacy ate ko, kaya dun din naisip nila mama na i-enroll ako. Nung nalaman ni mama na sa Valenzuela ang Pre-Med, umiral ang pagiging nanay ni mama. Agad-agad, hindi ako pinayagan mag-aral sa malayo. Sa huli, nauwi ako sa BS Nursing.

Ok naman, enjoy naman ako. Naisip ko, pwede namang first step ko ang nursing. Tapos, kapag nurse na ako, mag-aaral ako para maging Doktor.

Hindi nawala ang pangarap ko.

Nadagdagan lang, pero, hindi nawala.

Naging Top Student pa ako sa First Year ko… ok na sana. Kaso, dumating ang time na laboratory na. dun na nagka-alaman. Kaya ko ang mga subjects. Ang hindi ko kaya, ang amoy ng mga chemicals. Ilang beses akong hinimatay dahil sa amoy ng sulfur na sunog. Ilang beses din akong nasuffocate sa amoy ng formaline. Ilang laboratory equipments na ang nasira ko dahil sa mga insidenteng dulot ng kahinaan ng baga ko. Hindi na ako nakaligtas sa atensyon ni Dean Salazar.

Mula sa BS Nursing, pinag shift nila ako sa BS Tourism. Mataas daw kasi ang communication skills ko, at bagay na bagay daw sakin ang course na tourism. Nag-agree naman agad ang mga prof ko. Ewan kung dahil sa bagay talaga ako sa tourism o dahil natatakot lang silang maubos ang gamit sa lab.

Suma-tutal, ok naman kina mama at papa ang nangyari.

Napaka-supportive talaga.

Ok din naman ang tourism. Masaya naman. Daming activities. And enjoy din ako sa mga subjects. International studies kasi. Dami kong natutunan. Matagal ko nadin kasing interes ang iba’t ibang kultura. Isa lang ang ayaw ko sa tourism. ANG KAHALAGAHAN NG MAKE UP. Paktay! Ayaw na ayaw ko pa naman non. Tsk! Pero, ayus naman, nakaka survive. Hindi naman napapansin masyado yung mukha ko, cute naman kasi ako, so walang kaso. (bobola lang ng konti… patawad!).

Ang masaya sa buhay tourism, sa kauna-unahang pagkakataon, nagkaroon sila ng representative sa TAGISAN NG TALINO ’04-05. Buti nalang daw, nagshift ako, sabi ng trainer namin. Natatawa ako kapag naaalala ko yun. Hahahahaha!!!!^_^

Hindi ako nagtagal sa tourism. Grabe ang gastos. Hanggang sa dinala ako ng tadhana sa UCC. Dapat Mass Com ang kukunin ko. Big joke lang pala yun. Wala naman pala silang Mass Com. Linsyak! Nabiktima kami dun. Nakaatras na ako sa Fatima, at eto na ako sa UCC. Dalawa pa kami ni mama Ghe. Wala na, nakakasa na lahat. Nasa loob na kami at mukhang hindi na kami palalabasin ng buhay.

Ok sige.
Susme.
Kahit san nila ako ilapag, uubra ako!

eto na. napagkasunduan na, Marketing ang kukunin ko at susundan ko yun ng Advertising. Last na to, last plot. This one should work. Hindi na ako papayag na hindi. Ayokong umabot ng 60 ang nakuha kong kurso. Engineering nalang ang kulang, nalibot ko na lahat.

So ok na ako. BS Marketing.

Eto na si Dean Bautista, CPA- Lawyer.
Dean ng College of Business and Accountancy.

Interview.
Nung tinanong nya ako, kung anung kukunin ko, sabi ko, Marketing. Walang abog-abog, kinontra nya ako at sinabing hindi ako bagay sa Marketing sa taas ng grade ko. At walang sabi-sabi, inilista nya ang pangalan ko sa BS Accountancy.

ACCOUNTANCY!!!! Susme! Kung di ka nga naman pinagtripan ng ipo-ipong hindi mo makita. Ang pangarap ko, maging doktor. Tapos ngayon, ACCOUNTANCY!!! Daig ko pa ang pinagbuhol-buhol na sinulid. Sa sobrang gulo ng takbo ng mga pangyayari, hindi na ako naka-alma. Hinang hina na ako. Hindi na ako makapagsalita.

Nung nalaman nila papa at mama na Accountancy na ako, natuwa naman sila. Ako hindi na ako natutuwa nung mga panahon na yon. Pakiramdam ko, nausog ako ng lahat ng nuno sa buong mundo. Ang layo…layo…layo…layo ko na sobra sa pangarap ko…

*** Lord… may mali ba sa pangarap ko, at inilayo nyo ako sa kanya ng sobra?

Demotivated na ako ng sobra sa nangyari. Para akong nasa state of shock. Hindi ko na alam kung anung dapat kong gawin. Pero dahil nakita kong masaya naman sina mama at papa, hala. Sige na nga. Kahit hindi ko to gusto. Sige, gagawin ko ang makakaya ko… sisiguraduhin kong matatapos ko na to.
Pero iba talaga, kapag hindi mo gusto ang ginagawa mo… kahit anung pilit ang gawin mo, wala talaga don ang puso mo…

Sa totoo lang, ayoko magkaroon ng kaalaman ukol sa pera… sa kung panu paglalaruan ang pera at kung panu paiikutin at paglalaruan ang mundo gamit ang pera. Pakiramdam ko, napakaruming bagay non. Sobrang hindi ako natuwa. At ang kinahinatnan ng lahat… Bachelor of Science in Business Administration Major in Management.

Natapos ko ang 4 na taon, at sa wakas, masasabi nang college graduate ako. Sa puntong yon, medyo nakalimutan ko na ang medicine. Parang ang naging pangarap ko nalang talaga nung panahon na yon ay makatapos. Yun nalang. Pakiramdam ko, pagod nadin ako sa kaka-aral… gusto ko nang mag-toga.

Pero ngayon… nag_aaral ulit ako.

Masteral this time around…

May posibilidad parin na maging doktor ako.
Hindi sa larangan ng medisina… kundi sa larangan ng negosyo.

^______^
Nakakatawa… kung iisiping mabuti, kung panu natin binubuo ang ating mga pangarap. At kung panu tayo gumagawa ng mga plano sa pagtupad nito. Gaano man kagaan, o kabigat. Ibinibuhos ng ating mga magulang ang lahat ng suportang kaya nilang ibigay. Ibinubuhos natin ang lahat ng ating makakaya… sa huli, walang makapagsasabi, kung matutupad mong talaga ang pangarap mo… o pakikialaman ka ng ma-epal na tadhana, at ipatutupad sayo ang pangarap na ni minsan, hindi mo naisingit sa listahan mo.

Tuloy-tuloy ang pag-aaral ko ngayon sa larangan na ni minsan ay hindi sumagi sa isip ko… ang pangarap na hindi ko inaasahang isusubo sa akin ng pagkakataon. Naisip ko, siguro, may isang tao sa kabilang sulok ng mundo na nangarap maging manager, o financial manager o analyst, pero hindi natupad at bagkus ay naging doktor. Nangyari sa akin ang labu-labong pangarap. Hindi imposibleng mangyari rin yun sa iba….

Ako si Ma. Angelica Monina Balbaboco Cuya, tawagin nyo nalang akong Lyka. Business Graduate.

At, nangangarap paring maging DOKTOR balang araw…
…kung papalarin……………..^_^

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
LYKA’S FEAR – The Battle in which, We will surely Loose

BEWARE…
BE AFRAID…
BE STRONG…

The things I have feared the most are slowly taking place.
Global warming is making its presence felt.
The signs of Earth’s slow death is on its foot, - fast phased.

This planet is slowly dying.
It could take a sudden death, but the universe has a grand design of its own. And it tends to make us suffer its horrific death.

This destruction is purely man-made.
We people provoked this destruction and the world is making its way for us humans feel the pain and hurt we brought to this planet.
For us to realize the dreadful truth the WE made all these.

We had so much faith in our intelligence, making the world appeare as if it was ours to play with.
For us, the world is just a play thing.
We believed that the world would look far more great with man-made wonders.
We believed that we are given the supreme intelligence and because of that, we created and designed the world according to our Human Inception.

The power of Human Mind is so intense that we’ve believed that we can claim this world our own.
The power of Human mind is so intense that our geniuses built faith that claimed that WE, humans have the right to mold the world a ~new with the colaborations of conceited talents and greed money.
Not knowing that the faith we had for our human powers can be taken away in just a snap.
The world as we know it, will again claim what is rightfully its own.
It will kill – mercilessly.

The world as we know it, will take away the very faith our human minds instilled.

What the intense human mind failed to realize is that, we do not own this world – this world owns us.
When it decided to kill, it will kill everything it owns.
It will break its grounds, burst rivers of fire through its beautiful mountains, washaway everything through its powerful seas.
It will deprive us the very air we once breathed.

It will cover our colorful plains with continuous rain of ash and icey water, and trumbling air that will break everyhting we built.

Stars of different sizes, the same stars that once fascinated us will fall upon us with its burning heat.
Our greatest star, our sun, will shine no more. There will be darkness.

The world will shake troumendously.
There will be no spring – only winter.
Winter of eternal cold.
Everything that will happen will crawl in our minds, we can never sleep, it will steal our consciousness, our ability to reason, and the ability to know right from wrong.
It will leave us homeless, faithless, hopeless, lifeless.

Soon, we will live like animals.
Without food to eat, without clean water to drink, we will be forced to turn to each other to feed.
People will eat people, and will drink its blood.

Soon, after that, it will all be over.

Everything will die.
This is the cleansing.

When the Earth is cleansed, the eyes that are watching from a distance will reveal, and the new world will rise with its new life.

This new life, will never be for humans.
No one will ever know what will take over after us.
But it is certain, that they are, the rulers of the unknown space.

Yes.
They do exist.
They will watch us die.

For them to claim the world they own.



April 5, 2011 – Tuesday

Eto na ang sinasabi ko….
Ang posibilidad na makaharap ng araw na hindi naman masyadong intresting…

Hindi masyado…
Hmmm… may post ako sa isang social network…
Actually, nakakatawa kung iisipin…
Ang gulo talaga ng isip ko…

Sige na nga… ikaw na… the best ka eh!!!^_^

Ayoko nang mag-isip muna… hayaan ko munang gumulong ng kusa ang mundo…
Wala namang nawala eh…^_^

A BORING DAY, IS A BORING DAY…
- Naisip mo na ba minsan kung ikaw nga talaga ang pinatutungkulan ko?
- Naisip mo na ba minsan, na posibleng hindi sayo dedicated ang love song sa radio?
- Malawak masyado ang mundo… hindi lang ikaw ang pwedeng maging sentro nito…^_^

GOOD CHARACTER is more to be praised than OUTSTANDING TALENT. Most talents are, to some extent, A GIFT. GOOD CHARACTER, by contrast, is not given to us. WE HAVE TO BUILD IT, piece by piece --- by THOUGHT, CHOICE, COURAGE AND DETERMINATION.
- H. Jackson Brown Jr.

Isa sa mga bagay na kinatatakutan at pinipilit kong iwasan ay ang matinding impluwensya.

Wala pa akong matandaang inidolo ko dahil sa may pinauso sila… ang totoo, bihira akong humanga. At karamihan sa mga hinahangaan ko, yung mga taong nag pamalas ng kalayaan sa sarili at nakipag-laban para sa kalayaan ng iba.

KALAYAAN. Walang format. Walang hugis.
At higit sa lahat, walang anumang gagayahin – ke porma, kilos, hitsura o mga gawi.

Marami na akong nakilala at nagging kaibigan.

Iba-iba ng katayuan sa buhay, iba-iba ng pinagaralan, iba-iba ng hilig, iba-iba ang trip.

May mabuti, meron din namang masama…

Sa ganitong sitwasyon ko higit na ipinagpapasalamat ang pagmamahal ko ng lubos sa kalayaan…
Kahit na sinong makasama ko, malayo ako sa impluwensya. Kumbaga sa labahan, kahit de-kolor sila, hindi parin ako nahahawa…

Masasabi kong Masaya ako.
Dahil kahit na sino pang makasama ko, hindi parin nawawala o nababago ang pagka-tao ko…

Meron parin akong sariling tatak.

Malayo sa impluwensya ng iba…

Malayong malayo sa panggagaya.

At wala din namang maka-gaya sakin!!!^_^ hehe.

April 6, 2011 – Wednesday

Marunong nang mangatok si Nami ng pinto ng kwarto na walang tumutulong sa kanya… at in fairness, malakas sya kumatok… akala ko, bata yung kumakatok sa kwarto ko… pag bukas ko ng pinto, ang cute ko palang aso…^_^ congats Nami!!!^_^

Masaya ang lunch kanina… sabay sabay kaming kumain ng nilagang baboy ni Mama Ghe. Walang paminta. Nakalimutan daw nya… pero ok naman, masarap padin. Andami kong nakain.

Nakatulog ako, at nilalagnat na nang gumising. Bad trip. Wala pang tubig, summer na nga talaga. Bad mood tuloy.=,(

***hulaan nyo kung nakailang ikot na ang CD ni Kenny G. sa PC namen???
*clue: kung live ang tugtugan, pihadong ubos na ang hangin sa baga nya at wala na syang lakas mag sax.^_^
Sorry Kenny… paborito ka kasi namen eh.^_^

Tunay ngang nakakawala ng antok ang magsulat… pero nakakadagdag din naman ng sakit sa likod. Pero ayus lang. ok lang masakit ang likod, wag lang maging matumal ang buong araw. Nakakasuya yun.

Natutuwa na ako sa takbo ng istorya ng The Baker King. Sa mga oras na to, hinihintay ko nalang ang palabas na yun. Sa totoo lang, bukod sa I ♥ YOU PARE, wala na akong ibang programang pinapanood sa TV na gawa ng mga Pilipino. (bukod din pala sa balita at mga doku).

Hindi sa kinokondina ko ang gawang pinoy. Mahal ko ang Pilipinas at sa totoo lang, gusto ko din tangkilikin ang lahat ng sariling atin.

Pero, panu mo yun gagawin, kung paulit-ulit-ulit lang ang takbo ng istorya? At nandun parin ang mga katangahang mula noon ay umaalingasaw na. Yung tipong sisigawan mo yung bida kasi, mahuhuli na nga nya sa akto na nangangaliwa yung lintek nyang asawa tas biglang nakalimutan pa sa kotse yung cellphone at kailangang balikan.

Tapos nandyan pa yung mga iyakan na kapag tinanong “ oh, Lucia, umiiyak ka ba?” tas sasagot yung tinanong ng: “ ah, hindi. Napuwing lang ako.”

At mahabaging langit naman, laging hindi naabutan ng pulis ang masasamang loob…

Sinong hindi mauumay? Diba?

Mas gugustuhin ko nang panoorin ang katangahang nakakatuwa sa katauhan (ahm, ka-istaran) ni Patrick Star at ang kaibigan nyang medyo tanga din na si Sponge Bob. Yung katangahan nila, for adult humor, so nakakatuwa. Di tulad ng katangahan sa mga teledrama na sumasalamin lang sa katamaran ng writer gumawa ng masustansyang istorya. Eeeeeeeeeeh!!! Kainis!⊛
Kung may writer na makakabasa nito at sasabihin nyang “ah, ganun? Sige! Ikaw na magsulat!” sasagutin ko lang ng: “abah, mabuti pa nga ako nalang!”

Dahil kapag ako nagsulat at kailangan kitang patayin sa istorya ko, hinding hindi kita babarilin at itatapon sa ilog o ililibing ng buhay. Hindi ako gagawa ng katangahan na sa huli ay lalabas na buhay ka pa pala.
Sa istorya ko, mayaman ako, at may freezer na kasing laki ng bahay ni Pacman. Ikukulong kita sa freezer ko at kapag yelo kana, kakayurin kita at gagawin kitang dog food o kaya, atsara! ( oh, ngayon mo sabihing gasgas na yon!).

***Panis!

1:09 am – April 7, 2011 – buong araw ako naghintay ng makakausap kahapon. Pero, matapos nyang maglaba, natulog na sya. Sige, salamat.

Wag na wag kang magtataka at wag na wag mo din ako tatanungin kung balang araw, mapagod na ako maghintay sayo ha? Babatukan talaga kita!

(papam-pam ang cursor… appeare-disappeare! Pa-bibo!)



April 7, 2011 – the extension

Wala masyadong kaganapan kahapon. Bukod sa pagka-tuwa namen kay Mariel.

Nagkape kami… tas nagyaya si mama mag-online sa paniniwalang online registration ang promile i-shine .

Eh, hindi naman… joke lang pala sa tv.

Pambihirang advertisement kasi, mga motmot, hindi nililinaw. (Advertisers, ayusin naman ang trabaho nyo. Nakakalito kayo ng mga tao!)

Mag wo-workshop si Mariel sa Talent Camp. Sana palarin yung bata. Gusto ko din magkaroon ng pamangkin na artista. ^_^

April 11, 2011 – Monday

Kaninang gabi (kagabi) ko lang nalaman na hindi pala nakuha si Mariel sa magic 12 sa Talent Camp. Hindi sya nag-shine dahil sa sikip ng stage, hindi na nakaporma…
Pero nag enjoy naman daw sya. Oks na yon.

Ngayon, higit kailanman, ko naramdaman na kailangan ko nang magtrabaho.

Noon pa ako binabayo ng insulto tungkol sa pera. Matagal ko nang nilulunok lahat ng reklamo ng mga taong bumubuhay at nagpapalamon sakin.

Hindi ko sila masisi. Sa laki kong toh, wala pa rin akong trabaho.

Nag katrabaho na ako dati.

Hindi ako tumagal dahil may sakit ako.

Ang pamilya ko, at ang nobyo ko, pinayuhan na ako ng tumugil sa trabaho.

Pero di nagtagal, nakakarinig nadin ako ng mga hinaing.

Nahihirapan na sila sa pagbuhay at pagsuporta sakin.

Magastos din kasi ako.

Ok. Sige. Maghahanap na ako ng trabaho para naman hindi nakakahiya sa inyo.

Sobrang nakakapanliit na kasi masyado. Eh hindi naman masyadong makapal ang mukha ko.

(kapag yumaman ba ako, at nagpaulan ng pera, magiging kapaki-pakinabang na ba ako sa paningin nyo? Sana naman. Kasi magpapaka-matay na talaga ako sa trabaho, mabigyan lang ako ng pagkakataon).